So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
