I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
what day is it and did you see me today?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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