im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
