I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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