oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
