Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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