You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
