Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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