Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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