there was a trapeze. enough said
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
