I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She tied me up with her honor cords...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
