singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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