So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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