my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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