ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
