dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
