I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
