I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
