She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
