It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
