It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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