best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
