Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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