Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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