pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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