dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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