my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The struggles of a small town man whore
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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