One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
