Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
