There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
