I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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