It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
