Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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