i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
