No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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