i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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