Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
