Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
