I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
