Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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