saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
