How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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