I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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