You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
