I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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