you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
