Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
