Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
