you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
