Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
