My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
